He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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