never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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