I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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