I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
