I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Randomize
