her facebook's as public as her vagina
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
