Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize