hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize