im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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