the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
