I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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