idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize