dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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