what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
