Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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