While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
