just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
