I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
