is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
