you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
