Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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