You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
