The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
