I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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