I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
