Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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