I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
