I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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