Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
