I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
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