Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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