You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
