she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
FUCK WHALES
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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