I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize