I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
