The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
