they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I believe in your delicious
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
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