but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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