You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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