i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I want to make a zoo with you.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
