Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
