If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize