I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I can't put those talents on a resume
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize