I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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