Ambien. No doubt about it.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'm at about main and main street
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
