The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
