I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
