Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
If I die, sorry about rent.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
