i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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