we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
My breasts were aching with rage.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
