A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
being pregnant is like rehab
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
