apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
