getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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