alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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