I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
