I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
