I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
