i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
