what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
