so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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