I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
