This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
