It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize