I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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