Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize