Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
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