I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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