she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
did you just send me my own nude
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
