shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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