You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
