If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
my shit smells like andre
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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