Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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