dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
