i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
