Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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